deathy loser

Dark Moment




It was about half-past mid-night when I heard the first shot. I awoke in a flurry of sound and light as a steady stream of bullets whizzed past my head. Rollin' onto my belly and clutching my rifle equally in either hand, I peeked out through a hole in the foliage.

Was I a dead man tonight? As my eyes accepted the darkness, my night vision grew better and better with every passing second. Heart pounding, fingers throbbing, and my gun as cold as ice, I began to return fire. One, two, three, and repeat. I said as I fired in sequence into the trees. As the adrenaline filled my body with rage, I did not scream. I did not scream, yet I felt as you feel when you scream. Unleashing that primal fear from inside your gut, and feelin' that burn in the back of your throat as you do so.

"Click!" I dropped down behind the large rock which had served as my cover from previous days. And as many men had done many times before, I began to reload my rifle. It seemed so easy to kill so many with such an easy gesture. Just find them bullets, load, and fire. Onto my knees again, yet something was wrong. The sounds of this forest again filled my ears with an eerie silence.

Had I killed them that easily? After what seemed to be an eternity, I crept down slowly with my back to the rock. Pressin' my head against its cold surface I closed my eyes. Sometimes I found it difficult to tell when I had closed them due to the contrast of darkness. Yet that was no worry to me at this moment. Closing my eyes I embraced my coming fate. Or rather I embraced the fact that I did not know of what my fate would bring.

kematianKhu.

Biarkan aku terbaring dalam lelapku,
kerana jiwa ini telah dirasuki cinta,
dan biarkan daku istirahat,
kerana batin ini memiliki segala kekayaan malam dan siang.
Nyalakan lilin-lilin dan bakarlah dupa nan mewangi di sekeliling ranjang ini,
dan taburi tubuh ini dengan wangian melati serta mawar.
Minyakilah rambut ini dengan puspa dupa dan olesi kaki-kaki ini dengan wangian,
dan bacalah isyarat kematian yang telah tertulis jelas di dahi ini.
Biarku istirahat di ranjang ini,
kerana kedua bola mata ini telah teramat lelahnya;
Biar sajak-sajak bersalut perak bergetaran dan menyejukkan jiwaku;
Terbangkan dawai-dawai harpa dan singkapkan tabir lara hatiku.
Nyanyikanlah masa-masa lalu seperti engkau memandang fajar harapan dalam mataku,
kerana makna ghaibnya begitu lembut bagai ranjang kapas tempat hatiku berbaring.
Hapuslah air matamu, saudaraku,
dan tegakkanlah kepalamu seperti bunga-bunga menyemai jari-jemarinya menyambut mahkota fajar pagi.
Lihatlah Kematian berdiri bagai kolom-kolom cahaya antara ranjangku dengan jarak infiniti;
Tahanlah nafasmu dan dengarkan kibaran kepak sayap-sayapnya.
Dekatilah aku, dan ucapkanlah selamat tinggal buatku.
Ciumlah mataku dengan seulas senyummu.
Biarkan anak-anak merentang tangan-tangan mungilnya buatku dengan kelembutan jemari merah jambu mereka;
Biarkanlah Masa meletakkan tangan lembutnya di dahiku dan memberkatiku;
Biarkanlah perawan-perawan mendekati dan melihat bayangan Tuhan dalam mataku,
dan mendengar Gema Iradat-Nya berlarian dengan nafasku.